Seven Birthday Disasters for Harry Potter
by Jason Thompson
Summary: The night his parents died, Sirius Black cast aside revenge to care for the infant Harry Potter, but that doesn't mean everything was alright for the Boy-Who-Lived. Honks and Other Harry-pairings.


**Seven Birthday Disasters for Harry Potter**

_July 31st, 1991_

_Harry Turns Eleven_

Eleven year-old Harry Potter snuck through the office of his Godfather and guardian, Sirius Black with the intent of getting some information on his upcoming eleventh birthday party. He'd lived with Sirius since the Halloween night his parents were murdered while he was still a baby. Sirius had done everything he could to make sure Harry had both a happy childhood and at the same time, as much chaos as a son of a Marauder could handle.

His birthdays seemed to be the focus of much of that chaos. Harry would never forget his tenth birthday party when Sirius had decided to let Hagrid get Harry a pet. The problem was Hagrid's idea of an appropriate pet was just shy of lethally dangerous. The animal that Harry never saw had decided it was hungry during the course of the party and ate every single present the rest of Harry's friend had brought for him then the cake and table too and would have probably ate Harry's trusty Nimbus 1700 had Parvati Patil not noticed it tangled in the table cloth and eyeing the broom.

The girl screamed and brought the party to an end as Amos Diggory and Arthur Weasley had to use some creative hexes to subdue the thing.

Needless to say, Hagrid took the 'lil' cutie' home and was barred by Remus from getting Harry a pet that didn't come from a pet store. Admittedly, Harry did find the scene funny… after a few days, but he had to take some precautions this year.

He climbed into Sirius' desk chair and found the invitation list on top of a pile of papers. His eyes widened at some of the names on the list; "'Draco Malfoy?' 'Crabbe?' 'MacMillen?' What?! SIRIUS!"

"Yes pup?" Harry jumped as Sirius had apparently snuck into the room while he'd been snooping.

He looked at his Godfather in confusion, "Who are all these people you've invited to my birthday? Where are my friends? The Weasleys? Luna Lovegood? I don't even see Hagrid on the list!"

Sirius sighed and leaned against the desk, "Harry, it's just you're starting Hogwarts this fall and I think it's time you started making more appropriate friends… and…" He snorted and broke out into laughter, "Oh I'm sorry Harry! I tried I really did, but the look on your face! It's a prank Harry! A Marauder traditional birthday prank, get used to them Prongslet."

Harry scowled and stormed out of the room with his Godfather's laughter trailing him. 'Let's see how much he likes it!' He thought as he went to his room to find the itching powder Remus had given him and then he planned to pour the whole can in Sirius' bed…

_July 31st, 1992_

_Harry Turns Twelve_

Once again, Harry Potter was having a birthday that could generously be described as 'interesting' but more accurately as 'unruly.' It had started perfectly normal, Harry had many of his longtime friends like Neville Longbottom and Cedric Diggory over and many of his new housemates like Seamus Finnigan and of course the young woman who'd became one of his best friends over the last year, Hermione Granger as well as his teammates on Gryffindor's House Team.

However, partway through the party after Mrs. Weasley had left Sirius brought out a box of goodies left over from his time in school and immediately caught the adoration the Weasley Twins as well as their sister Ginny. While the items were a big hit, they were not exactly "good clean fun" as his Godfather had described them. Unless he was going for irony, of course.

This led to where he was now; covered in water as well as sprouting feathers with greasy hair reminiscent of Professor Snape and ducking a balloon filled with some other Marauder concotion. He was glad he did too, as when it struck Tonks her robes transfigured into a purple tutu and she began to dance around while cursing her cousin's name.

Hermione was using a plate as a shield as she turned to Harry and yelled over the excited yells of the other children, "This is a normal birthday party, Harry?"

The Boy-Who-Lived laughed when he noticed his friend's bushy hair had turned bright pink, "Yes, Hermione. I'm afraid it is!" He was struck with a balloon just then and his laughter died as the potion's effect began.

It was just unfortunate that the pictures of him with antlers were seen by so many of his friends as school started up a few weeks later. He really didn't want to have anymore reason for people to call him, "Prongslet" after all.

_July 31st, 1993_

_Harry Turns Thirteen_

Harry's thirteenth birthday wasn't as bad as some of its predecessors. He didn't have a party this year as Sirius had promised him a surprise. The surprise turned out to be tickets to the Holyhead Harpies Home Opener versus the Pride of Portree. The game was extremely exciting and high scoring as the Harpies were fielding one of their finest teams in years and the Prides were definitely up and coming for the first time since the sixties.

The "tickets" Sirius had gotten were in the owner's box and Harry had been understandably impressed with them and was simply enjoying the game until a time out about halfway through when the play-by-play announcer drew his attention; "Witches and Wizards, at this time we'd like you to draw your attention to the Owner's Box. The Holyhead Harpies are pleased to welcome their new owner as he celebrates his thirteenth birthday, please give a round of applause to Harry Potter! Happy Birthday Harry!"

Harry's eyes went wide in shock and he nearly choked on his soda as the team flew by the box waving to him and the crowd cheered. He waved meekly before turning his confused face on his grinning Godfather, "Happy Birthday."

After the game, which the Harpies won, Harry was asked down to the pitch for that year's team picture. Harry sat front row center between team Captain Gwenog Jones and Chaser Esmirelda Watkins. Harry spent much of the next forty-five minutes smiling uncomfortably and trying not to blush or say anything stupid around the women as several of them were extremely pretty (Harry would admit to looking at the Harpies poster in his room for hours and not thinking about Quidditch at all.)

At some point towards the end of the photo session, Jones and Watkins nodded to each other and the witches each kissed his cheek at the same time. Harry was pleased that he didn't faint dead away but two days later when Sirius placed a new photo over the mantle he wanted to kill the Marauder.

In the photo the girls would lean down, kiss his cheek and he'd blush until he was purple and grin stupidly until the picture reset. He spent the next few days scowling every time he saw it, but he'd never tell Sirius or Remus that a smaller copy of the picture was in his trunk as well.

_July 31st, 1994_

_Harry Turns Fourteen_

Harry looked up at the knock on his door, he'd been finishing up his potions essay for the summer before he packed up to get ready to meet the Weasleys and the Diggorys before they went to the Quidditch World Cup Final in a few days. "Come in?"

The door opened and a solemn looking Remus entered with a sheepish expression. "Happy Birthday, Prongslet."

Harry looked his friend over with a raised eyebrow, "What's wrong Moony?"

The werewolf ran a hand through his graying hair and sighed as he sat down on Harry's bed. "I've got some news Harry, and I'm a little unsure of how you'll take it."

Had it been Sirius, Harry might have assumed this was his attempt at a birthday prank and been more wary but since it was Remus, who always seemed to (mildly) discourage Sirius, Harry sat up worriedly. "What is it?"

Remus sighed and handed him an envelope, "Before you open that, I'll give you some background. You're grandfather, Harold, was the Ministry's Ambassador to France for a number of years and became quite close with the Delacour family." Harry nodded, he'd heard many times about his family history and he'd known this. His grandfather's assignment in France was where he met Harry's grandmother after all. "Well, it seems that he and Mr. Delacour had made some arrangements, one of those being a marriage contract."

He shifted uncomfortably then continued, "The contract was that a firstborn Potter and a firstborn Delacour would marry. Now, since both your grandfather and Mr. Delacour had first born sons the contract went by unfulfilled, but it seems that the younger Mr. Delacour has a first born daughter, Fleur." At Harry's no-doubt dark look, Remus sighed then gestured meekly to the envelope in Harry's hand. "I understand she's a lovely girl… I'll just… leave you to your… letter. Come down to the kitchen if you have any questions."

He tore open the envelope with a scowl and pulled out the letter and the photo. When he looked at the photo he was taken aback by the stunningly beautiful silvery-blonde waving and smiling at him; her pale blue eyes seemed to sparkle and her teeth were absolutely perfect. Harry smirked slightly and mumbled, "Thank you, Grandfather."

He opened that letter and began to read;

"_My Dearest Harry,_

"_I have been told that you and I are to be married upon your seventeenth birthday and it pleases me greatly._

"_Our families are very old friends and my Grandpapa would often regale us with tales of the friendship he had with Harold Potter. You may not remember as you were only a few weeks old but we attended his funeral and that was the first time I met you. I must say you were a very cute baby, especially your bright green eyes._

"_I was only four when you lost your parents and have heard many stories about your bravery since entering Hogwarts as well as hearing many tales of the Boy-Who-Lived. _

"_I believe that your Godfather is arranging for us to meet soon. I look forward to that day._

"_Affectionately,_

"_Fleur Delacour_"

Harry was hard pressed not to strut into the kitchen a few minutes later, he was so pleased with the turn of events he didn't notice the two older men's smirks as Harry entered and sat down to breakfast.

After a few minutes Hedwig flew in the window and landed in front of him with another letter. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Remus suddenly bring his paper in front of his face and stifle a snort while Sirius watched intently. Harry's stomach dropped as he took the letter from his owl and opened the envelope, instantly recognizing his Godfather's scrawl;

"_Dear Prongslet,_

"_Just Kidding! Happy Birthday!_

"_--Sirius_"

Harry's mood blackened as the two grown men began roaring with laughter, even after Sirius' face was splattered with egg and Remus was pelted with sausages. A few months later when the students from Beauxbatons arrived and a laughing Fleur Delacour waved at him, Harry wished for the thousandth time that his grandfather had actually put together that contract.

_July 31st, 1995_

_Harry Turns Fifteen_

Harry Potter sat on the back porch of Black Manor performing some bristle maintenance to the Firebolt he'd received from the Harpies for Christmas his third year. Tonks was on the porch with him, though the newly minted Auror was slumped in a chair with her feet propped up on the railing, snoring away. Her yellow and black hair covering her face was occasionally ruffled by her breathing.

Since the chaos that followed the Tri-Wizard Tournament when Victor Krum was killed and Harry was tortured and nearly killed during the resurrection of Lord Voldemort, Harry had had a chaperone for lack of a better word almost constantly. Sirius had asked his cousin among others like Hestia Jones, Kingsley Shacklebolt or Bill and Charlie Weasley to "spend time with" Harry.

Harry knew they were guarding him, just as he knew that the reason Remus had moved into the guestroom on the third floor had more to do with his wanting to watch over Harry as well then him having a dispute with his landlord. However, the adults would actually spend time with him; Kingsley had taught him dueling techniques, Hestia had helped him with his potions and transfiguration homework, while Bill had taught him several charms and more than a few shield spells that the fake Moody had mentioned during the school year and each time Charlie came over he provided many tips and tactics for the Quidditch pitch as well as tips for Harry should he decide that owning a professional Quidditch team wasn't as satisfying as playing on the circuit.

As for Tonks, well Harry had always enjoyed the time he spent with his Godfather's cousin and she'd always been easy to get along with (not to mention extremely easy on the eyes in ninety percent of her forms) so he never felt put out by the attention he'd received on his Godfather's behalf.

All things considered, Harry imagined the summer could have been a lot worse. He looked up from his task when the handle shifted and noticed a school owl perched at the end of his broom. The owl blinked at him and held out his leg presenting a letter.

Harry took the letter and watched him fly off to presumably return to Hogwarts. Opening the letter he immediately recognized the handwriting of the Headmaster. He began to read:

"_Harry,_

"_As you well know, the primary concern of both your Godfather and myself has been how to ensure both your continued education as well as your well-being now that Tom Riddle has returned._

"_I believe that in the coming year that Tom will make you a priority so I believe that we will have to intensify your training. You may have noticed that Kingsley Shacklebolt, Remus and Bill Weasley have all been teaching you spells and tactics while I'm told Hestia Jones has not only helped you review in potions and transfiguration but has actually started to teach you OWL and even NEWT level spells. _

"_This has only been the first part; beginning tomorrow Alastor Moody will be leading you through a 'crash course' in advanced DADA throughout August and will be teaching you more advanced disciplines throughout the upcoming school year._

"_However, there is one other matter that I wrote about that is related to this. In a way, your time in Gryffindor has been a lesson on the importance of bravery and setting aside fear. These are important when facing an enemy such as Tom, but they are not everything. Therefore I must start a new lesson for your remaining time at Hogwarts. Specifically, this lesson is about cunning and drive. _

"_What better way to learn this lesson than by resorting you into Slytherin? Using several of the school's older bylaws I have convinced the Board to allow me to place you into Salazar's House for fifth, sixth and seventh years with a minimum of headaches and Severus has even graciously given you the Seeker's position on the House Team as well as the Team Captaincy._

"_Also, in recognition for all you have done during your time at Hogwarts, I am pleased to be the one to tell you that you have been named one of your new house's fifth-year prefects. However, as Draco Malfoy had already been named a prefect before the decision to resort was endorsed by the Board I must name you the fifth-year **girls'** Prefect._"

Harry's jaw actually dropped as he read that paragraph. He'd always suspected that Dumbledore was a little batty, but resorting him into Slytherin? Naming him to the Slytherin team? Of course, the idea of throwing Malfoy off the team was several dreams come true, throw in a kiss from Susan Bones and the Patil sisters and it was nearly all of them.

But this was crazy.

He read on:

"_As you will be the girls' prefect, and considering space issues in the boys' dorm, we will be placing you with the fifth year girls…_"

Harry dropped the letter with a laugh, recognizing it for what it was, his birthday prank. He turned around and found Sirius and Remus standing in the doorway, Moony was grinning smugly at Padfoot as Harry spoke. "I'll give you points for getting Professor Dumbledore in on the prank, Sirius. You almost had me but you forgot one thing."

Harry got to his feet as his Godfather frowned, "What's that Pup?"

Harry clapped the man on the shoulder and answered, "While rooming with Pansy Parkinson and Millicent Bulstrode would be a living nightmare. I'd also be rooming with Daphne Greengrass and Tracey Davis." He gave the two men a smirk and a wink that reminded them both of his father, "That would be another type of dream altogether."

Remus and Tonks, who ended her nap sometime while Harry'd been reading Dumbledore's letter, both roared with later. The latter falling out of her chair as a result while Harry strutted away.

_August 1st, 1996_

_Harry Turned Sixteen_

Harry Potter's eyes cracked open at just after eleven am.

Five seconds later, they were shut tight again and the Boy-Who-Lived groaned in agony. His head felt like someone had cast a very precise shrinking charm on only his skull; his headache was so bad that the tips of his hair hurt. His mouth was dry and his tongue felt too big for his mouth, a mouth which tasted like the sole of a shoe which had been used on a fifty kilometer march.

Meanwhile, his stomach felt like it would very much want to get rid of whatever it was Harry had drank last night, which happened to be quite a lot. Last night had been Harry's sixteenth birthday and Remus and Sirius had thrown his birthday party at Black Manor, as they had done so many times before. His friends had all been there; Ron Ginny, Fred and George, Neville, Hermione, Luna, the Patils, and most of his other class mates. Cedric had been there full of stories from his new job at Gringotts working with Bill Weasley as well.

However, unlike previous parties, this one did not break up when Mrs. Weasley took Ron, Ginny, Luna and Hermione back to the Burrow with promises of bringing Harry out Saturday to spend a few days there as had become as much a summer tradition for Harry as Hogwarts Letters and the Harpies' Opener.

This year, Sirius and Remus introduced Harry and some of his older friends to a Marauders' birthday tradition.

Fire whiskey.

Not surprisingly, what followed became increasingly more vague and hazy but Harry had a vague memory of Cedric encouraging Harry to hit of a girl who was there as well but he had no memory of who it was, he could only remember blonde hair…

Harry's eyes snapped open when the bed shifted and a sleepy snort broke the silence of his room. The bed shifted again and an arm draped over his chest almost possessively. It was then that several neurons from strategic locations all over Harry's body sent him another troubling message.

Despite wearing pajamas in some form or another for as long as he remembered, or at the very least a t-shirt and boxers when it was terribly hot, Harry was lying in bed this morning wearing no clothes whatsoever.

Now, Harry Potter was in many ways the quintessential Gryffindor, both in blood as over the centuries the primary line of the Potter family had become the senior line of Clan Gryffindor and more importantly, in deed. Harry had faced Voldemort in some form or another in four of his five years at Hogwarts and could proudly say that he hadn't resigned himself to a life of cowering behind every security spell known to man.

However, the sudden warmth on his back identified the owner of the arm draped over him as a female. Almost assuredly, it was a witch. A witch that could grab a wand and take away some parts of Harry's that he was only just starting to truly appreciate at sixteen.

Gryffindor or not, Boy-Who-Lived or not, Heir of the Marauders or not, the thought of an angry witch using a blasting curse on his "broom handle" caused every inch of him to stiffen in panic. A certain organ stiffened for an entirely different reason, but for one of the first times since Susan Bones had come into the Great Hall without her jumper on a rather cold morning late in his second year, that organ did not command Harry's attention.

His "friend" must have felt the sudden tension in Harry and reacted. She inhaled and her hand drifted around. A sleepy murmur teased his ear, "G'morning Harry."

Harry needed a few moments to recognize the voice of his companion; but when he did, the panic intensified and sent adrenaline through his veins in such quantities that it burned away his very first hangover and caused him to leap from the bed like a frightened cat in a muggle cartoon.

He landed a good three feet from the bed, facing his companion with wide eyes. His companion lounged in his bed, a single silky leg peeking out from under the sheet. She smoothed her blonde locks away from her face then propped her chin on her exquisitely manicured hand. She then looked him over hungrily and Harry realized he was swinging in the breeze a moment later.

He quickly grabbed a book off his nearby desk and placed the text strategically. "Wha-" He coughed and cleared his throat as his voice cracked badly, "What the Hell are _you_ doing here?"

She leered at him again then chuckled throatily, "I would think it obvious."

Harry managed to set aside enough panic to scowl, "Humor me."

She used her other hand to tug gently at the sheet, causing it to expose some very enticing pale flesh, and then smiled. "I'm here because I wanted to help you celebrate you birthday. I'd say I was successful too."

Hermione had once described to Harry the concept of a nervous breakdown as they had watched Percy panic during NEWTs. He was certain he was having one now, "I d-don't believe this!"

"Why are you so upset? I had only stopped in at your party last night to wish you well; _you_ were the one who chatted _me_ up." She smiled widely, "Just wait until I tell my sister, perhaps I'll even bring her over to show her as well."

Harry clenched his eyes shut and counted to five, when he cracked them open she smiled at him in the same pose. He screwed them shut again and tried counting to ten to no success. One thought was finally settling on him with certainty. "Sweet Fucking Merlin, I slept with Draco's mum!"

Narcissa Black-Malfoy laughed, Harry then realized something was wrong. His eyes narrowed and panic quickly gave way to anger.

He knew that laugh.

&

"_SIRIUS!_"

The shout echoed through Black Manor and found Sirius Black smirking into his breakfast while Remus Lupin lowered his copy of the Prophet with a raised eyebrow. The two Marauders were sitting at the kitchen table after waking up and brewing a batch of their time-tested personal hangover relief potion, while giving the recipe to the Weasley Twins who were still sitting at the table, eagerly waiting for this moment as well.

Moments later they heard thundering footsteps overhead from about where Harry's bedroom was. The stomps moved across the ceiling and hit the stairs. George spoke up, "Five, four, three, two…" A second later, the door to the dining room flew open and crashed into the wall. Harry Potter seethed in the now open doorway.

Fred grinned and stage-whispered to George, "At least he put on some clothes." Seeing the storm clouds in the young wizard's eyes; the Twins showed the better part of valor and disappeared with a pair of cracks.

Meanwhile, Remus raised his paper with a smirk as Sirius put on an innocent face. The Patriarch of the House of Black gestured to the breakfast spread before them and smiled, "Good morning, pup. Would you care for some breakfast?"

Harry's wand was twitching in his hand and his jaw was clenched so hard that Padfoot could hear his teeth grinding. "I should bloody well kill you Sirius!" The werewolf peeked over his paper at his old friend with a quirked eyebrow.

Sirius never felt his passive face falter, he'd faced down Lily-flower many times as well as Prongs. Harry might be the Chosen One, but Sirius had two things on the young man; experience and a complete lack of shame. "Why Harry, I thought you'd enjoy this. After all, I know you enjoy the charms of older ladies, Nymphie in particular."

He almost raised his wand to curse Sirius. _Almost_, but merely stomped across the floor to stand in front of his Godfather and hissed, "There's a difference between having a crush on an older woman and making me think I slept with the mother of Draco Malfoy!"

The door was pushed open and Tonks sauntered in. This time both Sirius and Remus' eyebrows quirked as the young woman wore one of Harry's jerseys from the Quidditch team over still-bare legs. Harry blushed deeply when she placed a kiss on his cheek and took a seat before dishing up her plate, "Wotcher boys."

After a few moments of silence from Harry, a silence where he seemed to be a world away, he scowled at Sirius again and bit out. "I want you to remember two things Sirius. One; I'm out for revenge now. Hermione's never forgiven you for turning her hair pink at my twelfth birthday party and the Twins will help me on general principle."

All three adults looked at Harry expectantly but Remus asked, "What's the second thing, cub?"

Harry smiled evilly, "I turn seventeen next year."

_July 31st, 1997_

_Harry Turns Seventeen_

It had been a tense few months in and around Black Manor. Not long before Harry returned from his sixth year at Hogwarts, where he would learn about the history of Tom Riddle as well as the Horcruxes he had made Sirius was approached by Andromeda and her daughter. All three were aware of the long and turbulent history between their family and Harry's.

Most notably, the three Wizard's debts Barberus Black had owed the Potter family when they backed the Blacks during the formation of the Ministry. Two had been repaid over time, but one remained Andromeda was also aware of the flirtation between her daughter and Sirius' godson so she made a proposal of betrothal between the two.

Nymphadora and Harry would be married on August 1st of next year and should Sirius not marry and have a son, Harry's second son would take the name Black and become Sirius' official heir. All parties involved (Sirius, Tonks and her parents) were pleased with the arrangement. They had agreed over the final details of the contract a few days ago including any escape clauses and Harry and Nymphadora had signed the contract yesterday as they intended to announce the engagement at Harry's party.

Sirius found himself scowling at one of his oldest friends, Remus' infatuation with Nymphadora was not unknown to Padfoot. However, there were certain matters that Sirius had a bit of a problem, most notably "The Marauder's Oath."

"I'm sorry Moony, but you know as well as I do that when we formed the map we each took a binding oath. As long as there was at least two of us living, we agreed to cause mischief, protect each other's secrets and…" Remus scowled but didn't reply, "Remus?"

The werewolf sighed and said, "'One-half plus seven.'"

Sirius nodded, "That's right, 'one-half plus seven.' You three forced that rule on me when Lily found me with that fourth year 'Puff in the Astronomy Tower." He rose to his feet, "Remus, I'm not doing this to be spiteful and I'm not doing this because of your 'monthly visitor'" despite Remus' black mood, he couldn't help but chuckle at the comparison of his lycanthropy and a woman's cycle, "I'm doing this because I honestly believe that Dora could be something wonderful for Harry. Since his second year, he's been slightly separated from all his schoolmates. He's a man on an island Moony, Dumbledore's death has only made it worse. I don't think anyone other than maybe Hermione has connected with him and with her chasing after Ron…"

Remus sighed and looked at his friend, "I get it Padfoot, I truly do. I just-"

His fellow Marauder smiled widely and sat down before wrapping an arm around Remus' shoulder, "Buck up, Moony! I can always order Bella to get a divorce and marry you!" The bookish wizard rolled his eyes, before Sirius continued. "Or better yet, you can finally accept Hestia Jones' standing invitation to dinner instead of pining after my soon-to-be Goddaughter-in-law." He frowned thoughtfully, "Is that even a real thing?"

Remus chuckled at his friend, "How dare you cheer me up, when I was ready to brood over the loss of a woman's affection, Padfoot?"

Grey eyes twinkled with mirth, "I think we both know by now, my friend, that I dare quite a bit."

At that moment a 'pop' announced the entrance of one of the Manor's house elves, Ringo. The elf bowed politely and said, "Master Harry and his Dora wish to speak with yous, sir."

Sirius nodded, "Bring them in, please."

The elf popped away and a moment later, Harry led four women into his office, his Godson looked supremely embarrassed and the four witches all seemed to be a moment from going apoplectic. Which gave Sirius grave concern, as one was his soon-to-be fiancée and the other was Amelia Bones, the Minister of Magic.

The other two, women both looked to be Harry's age and very pretty in two different ways. One girl had bright blue eyes and light red hair pulled back in a braid. Most would describe her as buxom or well-endowed as even under a sweater she was clearly a heavy D-cup.

The other girl was short with dirty blonde hair cut into a bob, she was pretty in a witch-next-door fashion but with her eyes attempting to light Harry on fire it was difficult to be sure. Amelia stomped across the office and stood toe-t-toe with the Patriarch of the Most Noble House of Black and slapped him across the face. Remus stepped in front of Sirius a moment later as Tonks had pulled her wand and started to aim at Sirius. "LADIES!"

Cradling his tender jaw, Sirius said. "What the Bloody Hell is going on?"

Tonks provided the answer, "I'll tell you what's happened, Harry has sullied my honor!"

The blonde in back bit out, "It wasn't just _your_ honor sullied, Bitch!" The redhead agreed with a nod followed by a blistering scowl at Harry.

Harry showing an astounding lack of tact said, "Sirius, meet Tracey Davis and Susan Bones, I think you already know the Minister."

Tonks scowled at the two younger girls, "These two home-wrecking harlots have interfered with my engagement and I demand satisfaction!"

Wide grey eyes slowly turned from his cousin to slowly land on a blushing seventeen year-old boy. "Harry, you didn't…"

"Sirius, I can explain-"

Remus cut Harry off, "Harry, my God. You mean… you…" He sighed and walked across the room to sink heavily in the nearest chair, "Oh no."

Quickly grasping at straws, Harry said. "I didn't think this would happen! It was just a stupid party… Ron and Hermione's stupid engagement party… I had a lot to drink and… I mean, I thought I wore protection. Sirius, you have to understand!"

Sirius growled angrily. Harry hadn't just stupidly pissed away his engagement; he'd knowingly entered into the contract under false pretenses. Harry could be in deep trouble and since he had still been underage when it happened, he'd dragged Sirius along for the ride. Not to mention, that as Nymphie's patriarch, Sirius was honor bound to duel Harry and if the girl was also betrothed… "Harry, how could you be so stupid as to get a girl pregnant?"

Harry stammered while the as yet, silent Susan scoffed and said, "One of us? Try, _both_ of us!"

Sirius took a step back and tried to sit down, unfortunately there was no chair and he crashed to the floor. Remus muttered, "Oh Merlin…" and buried his face in his hands.

The animagus looked up at his godson with horror in his eyes, "But you said… you said it was one night?"

The Minster scowled down at him, "I expect the Houses of Potter _and Black_ will take care of my niece's child and that of Miss Davis. Needless to say, I don't want your lecherous godson within mile of either Susan or her child."

Tracey stepped forward and despite her small stature, loomed of Sirius. "That goes double for me!" She turned to Harry, "As for you, expect to hear from my Father. He'll be suing you over the loss of my betrothal to Neville."

'As if it couldn't get any worse…' Sirius thought as he got to his feet, "Ladies, I don't know what to tell you, but rest assured Harry will do the right thing. You have my word."

As angry as Tracey and Tonks were, it surprised Sirius (and Harry) when Susan's face screwed up with rage and the redhead pulled her wand on Harry. Harry held out in hands in surrender and took a step back; the younger Miss Bones followed Harry as he retreated for the corner. She finally planted the point of her wand right between his eyes. The boy then stammered, "Now Susan. Let's not get crazy."

The girl scowled at him a moment longer and Sirius wondered exactly what hex she was going to use, when she suddenly grinned and said, "Quite right." Lowering her wand, the young woman leaned forward and kissed his cheek lightly. She then said, "Happy birthday, Harry!"

Tonks, Minister Bones and Tracey all cheered while the two Marauder's cast bewildered looks around the room. Sirius put it as eloquently as he could, "Huh?"

His godson smirked and stepped out of the corner, "I warned you last year, Padfoot. I was going to get revenge."

Still not quite believing what he was seeing, "This- This was all… a birthday prank?"

Remus stood up shakily, "No Sirius, this was _The_ birthday prank!"

The wizard cast one more shocked look between his godson and the witches laughing at him, then felt a tear come to his eye, "Oh Harry, I'm so proud!"


End file.
